I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
