what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
