i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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