you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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