i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
