the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
