DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
