Soap is not a condiment
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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