I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
