dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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