I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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