his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
