Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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