you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
