I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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