what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
