Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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