i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
