no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
