it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
