i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
