we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
