my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
