My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
