I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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