You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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