i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
