Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
