just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
