Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
