and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
