Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
