I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
