Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
