I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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