Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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