What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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