We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
