the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
