my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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