I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
