i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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