oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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