She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
