Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
