I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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