shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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