I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
