I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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