i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize