I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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