He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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