using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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