my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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