yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
