That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
