i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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