"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
