Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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