I am spending my child support on dildos
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
