I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
