For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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