I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
