Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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