before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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