i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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