He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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