I understand why you refuse to be sober now
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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