But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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