I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my liver is dry heaving
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
