i think my tv is drunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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