Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
