Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize