Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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