When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Life is so much better after having sex.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
